Tug of War

“Moderation and variety” is something I taught my children while they were growing up. It can be applied to just about everything. One of the conversations this would come up in was food. Moderation. Not only in how much to eat but when it comes to flavoring the food and other areas of preparation. Too much onion or black pepper could overpower the other flavors and ruin the meal. Variety. Different foods have different nutrients: potassium; iron; vitamins A, B, C, D; etc. Nutrients work together to keep us healthy. Eating only one thing all the time will cause deficiencies and damage our bodies. 

Something else I try to live by is keeping it real and keeping it simple. Today, I am going to be real with you about my lack of moderation. I would like to share a little bit of the journey which started before our vacation in late July. 

For some time I had been struggling with the heaviness of “How do I get it all done?” When we left for vacation I thought I would finally get some writing done. Maybe a poem, a short story, or some kind of inspirational writing. There was very little to none of that. Not just because I wanted to spend time with my family and friends while I was home and had little downtime to think and create, but I had little desire to do it. I wanted a vacation from everything–pressure to write included. 

For too long, I had been working on everything it takes to start a writing career, plus preparing book one for publishing, learning what that entails, and attempting to complete a proposal. Add to that my responsibilities at home, work, and church, maintaining friendships, and continuing to encourage others. If the word burnout has not crossed your mind, let me just tell you by vacation time, I was looking for an escape. 

An example of my struggle: early one morning during vacation, my husband and I sat on a bench by the river. I was hoping to find inspiration there and write. I may have managed a Haiku. I was distracted by my thoughts and unable to create. The best thing to come from that time of quiet was the magnificent eagle that flew directly in front of us, but even with that, I could not find words. 

My husband and I are care group leaders at church. When we returned home from vacation, a lot was going on with our group so I jumped right in fixing meals, lining up others to make meals, delivering them, checking on people, praying . . . just caring for our care group family. As I tended to the needs that were before me and played catch-up, it was all I could do to post a blog in mid-August and keep up with social media. The pressure was back and the question of “How do I get it all done?” crept back in.

Overwhelmed and right back where I was before we left, I prayed and asked God to show me what to do. He knew where I was and how I got there. He was patiently waiting on me to have enough and finally give it over to Him. To surrender it to Him and ask how it needs to be done. After praying, talking to Him, and listening, (keeping it really real here–He may have told me quicker than I caught on)–I got it. He showed me I have been taking it all upon myself and doing, or trying to do, it in my own strength. Somewhere along the line, I decided I needed to do all the things. Let me tell you, if you are allowing God to work through you, it will flow. It will be His strength, ideas, knowledge, and so on coming through you. We are just the vessel in which it all pours out. 

This is what He shared with me at the time. This is not a season where my main focus is writing, but that day will come . . . just not today. I have responsibilities to focus on, and I know what they are. My main responsibility is to stay mentally well so I can focus on those responsibilities.

During the time I was praying about my situation, I met a friend for lunch. I shared a little about how I was feeling. Being an author and writer herself, she knew where I was. She asked me what I wanted to get out of my writing. Was I looking to make a lot of money or be famous? I told her what I really want is to get my message out, the message of Jesus. 

I was reminded of this conversation when God spoke to me. Although I am not reaching as many as I would like right now with the message of Jesus, I still get the message out with my blog, social media, and other doors Father God opens.

I realize this is not my full-on writing season, and I know that time will come. I wake up every morning and dedicate my day to my Father. It is His to do with as He chooses. Whether He has me writing, encouraging, fixing a meal for someone, visiting with an elderly friend, working, or cleaning my house, I am exactly where He wants me. That in itself is better than anything I can do for me. 

Be encouraged friends! Dedicate every day to Father God, and walk in the peace and assurance that He will lead you in moderation.

Thank you, Melissa Santarsiero, for use of the beautiful photo.